Looking for Happyness
by Msmandijmoore
Summary: Brett is having doubts about her life in Fowlerton.


"Breathe Sylvie, it's okay, don't panic, just try to smile." Sylvie could hear her heart racing a mile a minute as it pounding in her ears threatening to explode through her chest and was trying not to show the panic that was racing through her veins as Kyle said she could stay home and take time to be a chaplain's wife.

"I never thought of it like that." She forced a smile as she responded to his words of being able to help people in other ways.

She watched as he walked away and let the breath she was holding out slowly, everything in her told her to run as fast as she could but she didn't want to hurt him.

"Okay so you made a mistake, you can fix this." She told herself over and over as she paced back and forth shaking her hands trying to calm herself down, she fumbled with her phone debating who to call for advice and possibly a getaway van.

"I think I screwed up and I need you to tell me I didn't, that this is where I belong, in Fowlerton with Kyle." she spat out in a jumbled mess that made it seem as if she was a crazy person. "I can't do that" the groggy voice croaked out, "You belong in Chicago."

"Ugh, you're no help and really coming from you that hilarious because you belong there too." Sylvie snapped, knowing it was a sore spot.

"Low blow Brett but if you want honesty, honestly you belong on 61 doing what you love, in a city you love, not hidden away in some small country town hiding from all your problems and pretending to be in love with a guy because it's easier than dealing with real life." Gabby was getting agitated with the conversation, but it was her best friend in the middle of a crisis and she would do anything for her.

"I missed the memorial dedication for Otis" She whispered through the phone, ashamed that she couldn't bring herself to face another reminder of her friend's death. "Kelly told me" Gabby listened to the silence hoping Sylvie would speak more but it seemed as if she was done on the topic, she knew her friend was struggling, it was her first in house death and her roommate and the emotions and feelings were too much for Sylvie to deal with. "Look Brett, it doesn't matter if you were there or not, everyone knows you love Otis. Hell, Kelly went full on backwoods lumberjack when Shay died and disappeared also, everyone reacts different so don't beat yourself up over it."

"I don't want to hurt Kyle, he's been so good to me, but I think he thinks I'm something I'm not. I'm never going to be a housewife or a stay at home mom, I don't want to cook and clean and take care of my family. I want to have a life and help people out there, in the world in Chicago where I can really make a difference and really I don't know if I ever want kids."

Gabby growing more frustrated with Sylvie, "Then tell him that." She sighed as she looked at the clock, it was almost midnight. "Look you can either do your usual runaway act or you can talk to him like a big girl and see what he has to say too, but you're the one who has to make the choice, I can't, Kyle can't, you're parent cant, you have to. Hey, listen, it's late and I love you, but I love sleep more and I have to be up in five hours, so call me tomorrow evening but earlier than the middle of the night okay."

Sylvie heard the click of Gabby's line going dead after her goodbyes and she stared at her phone for a couple minutes thinking of what she should do. She could always rely on Gabby to tell her what she didn't really want to hear but needed to anyway.

She snuck into the room and could see Kyle asleep on the bed they shared, she sat on the edge of the bed and watched him hoping he would wake up on his own, but he was out cold, so she nudged him and whispered his name. He stirred and yawned, setting up to see what was wrong.

"Are you okay?" he asked trying to make out her features in the dark, he thought she looked sad.

"Not really, I can't do this anymore." She whispered barely audible. "Can't do what?" he was confused, everything had seemed fine earlier before he had left, he grabbed her hand to try to reassure her but she pulled it away and stood from the bed.

"This, Us, the pretending that I'm ever going to be a good wife to you and be what you want and need, I don't want to cook or clean or stay home, and I'm not sure I even want kids at all. And I especially don't want to be in Fowlerton, I want to go back to Chicago. I need the excitement and the busy firehouse. I'm going back to Chicago tomorrow; I know you can't just come and I don't think I want you too." She drew in a long breathe trying to steady her emotions.

Kyle moved to the edge of the bed; he was a complete loss for words. He thought he was happily engaged, and that Sylvie was doing okay except for her feelings about Otis's death. "What does that mean?" he choked out trying not cry, so many emotions were running through him.

"You never really got to know the real me, I was in a bad place after my last breakup and Gabby leaving when you met me. All this is everything I ran from in the first place, I never wanted any of this and I think you felt safe to me and I knew you wouldn't hurt me even though I think I knew we weren't the right fit all along, but I wanted to make it work so desperately." She paced back and forth trying not to look him in the eyes knowing she was killing him the entire time. "I never wanted to hurt you, but I think this is where it was always going to lead, we're just too different."

Kyle stood, he didn't know what he was going to do but he knew he couldn't stay where he was obviously not wanted and he knew her well enough to know when she made her mind up there was no changing it and looking back he knew she wasn't happy but he wanted her to be. He walked to her and leaned in and kissed her on the forehead, "I'll get my stuff from your parents in the morning, I truly hope you find what you're looking for and have a good life." And he disappeared out the door before she could say another word.


End file.
